A YEAR IN SOUTH KOREA - CARRUTHERS
JANUARY
At the start of December Carruther's flew out to South Korea to start a one year contract teaching English, these are a selection of emails conveying his experiences.
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Friday 3rd January 2003
You catch me in a dull moment between classes. I apologise for brevity, but these kids won't teach themselves, and I only have ten minutes until the lower case alphabet consumes me once again. It continues to snow here with blatant disregard for my personal comfort and my desire to keep my
extremities attached to my body. It doesn't help that the heating system in the school, whilst marvelously efficient once it has been running for ten minutes, is in the preceeding period somewhat akin to an Antarctic gale. What's more, it is an Antarctic gale positioned just above my desk and aimed
directly at me! Nonetheless, I remain happy and contented with life here, although I must
confess that I am looking forward to the distant dreamy days when it will be unrelentingly hot day after day after day. Mmmmmmm......heat!
Well, it's now 45 minutes later. The class began by three of the kids physically dragging me into the classroom (I think I must be popular!) Happily, the one really disruptive student has been moved to another class, so I was able to teach without the endearing sound of him screeching throughout the lesson. (It transpires that in his new class, he attempted to stick a pencil up the teachers rectum!) We played alphabet bingo - is someone really PAYING me for this?!!
Anyway, on to recent events of interest. New Year's Eve. Greg (the other native teacher) and I decided that despite our Korean colleague's abject ambivalence to solar New Year we were going to party regardless. Thus we headed into Seoul, and (with misgivings on my part) Itaewon. Greg had
previously located a bar which tended to fill up with ESL teachers and other civilian types rather than U.S. soldiers, so we thought we'd give it a try. On walking in, I was quite taken aback. having seen barely a western face in three weeks, to come across an entire bar full was a little weird. Nonetheless the beer was cheap and the company was pleasant. I whiled away the last hours of 2002 in conversation with some spectacularly named people, such as'Yollanda' and a 'Sgt Skip' before circling the place at midnight and saying 'Happy New Year' to everybody I could find. In my cosy haze I may have said it to a few people more than once, but then you can never have too much goodwill! I got the last subway train back, and after a long cold wait at Soekye station, I got my connection and then had a long, cold walk back to my apartment, due to a total lack of cabs willing to take me home.
Next day I decided that freezing air and culture were the best things for a mild hangover, and so wandered down the road to the catchily named 'Gyeonggi-Do Monument No.37' - the tomb of General Jeong Mun Bu (Who led a rebellion against the Japanese in 1542 ) This was a very pleasant interlude
as it turned out. The tomb itself was on top of a small hill surrounded by woodland, glowing happily in the late afternoon winter sunlight. Below stood an ornate pavillion, carved and painted in the elaborate greens, reds and blues that seem ubiquitous in Korean ornamentation. Despite being stuck right next to the enormous 'Lotte Mart' department store the site maintained it's peace and dignity very successfully. I was pleasantly surprised to find something of aesthetic value in Uijeongbu, resembling as it does for the
most part a giant building site. This is perhaps to devalue the place a little. It's not unpleasant, and I am very happy here.
Blimey! - I've just looked out of the window. (This wouldn't normally be cause for exclamation - except that it is snowing SO hard that I could barely see across the street!) Ah well, as long as I can get into Seoul tomorrow it can snow all night for all I care. I have 'The Two Towers' planned as a birthday treat to myself.
Monday 6th January 2003
I have interesting birthday related events to report. Firstly however, to those of you who offered me birthday greetings, stuck out here as I am in the frozen wastes 5000 miles from home (yeah yeah) I offer my thanks. To everyone else I offer the fleas of a thousand camels to infest your armpits.
Anyway,
Twas the night before my birthday. I had stayed in with a couple of beers and the ever bewildering joys of Korean TV, and was still merrily chilling out at 1.40 am.....when the phone rang. It was Yu Kyoung. She said, 'Andy, what are you doing?" "Nothing much" I replied. "I told the Director it is your birthday" (which by now it was) "and he wants to have a party with you. Can you come out now?" "Er...yeah, ok."
And so it was that I found myself speeding through the chill Uijeongbu night towards the 'Continental Nights' club. Upon arrival I was met by the Director himself who threw his arms around me and shouted "Aahh! Andy!!" This took me a little by surprise, because he is usually a rather sober and respectable man. I didn't take long to realise that sober was an adjectivewhich had no place being anywhere near this evening's (sorry, this morning's) proceedings. Inside the club I found a live band, Russian dancing girls on balconies (I kid you not) and the entire Korean staff of the institute, most of whom were already blind drunk. I was welcomed enthusiastically and my glass was filled. In fact at no point during the celebrations was my glass allowed to be empty for more than about 15 seconds before someone re-filled it.
The Director, as drunken men the world over do, kept saying, 'We all love you', and offered me a five year contract! He also informed me that he intended to buy me some socks for my birthday, and assured me repeatedly that, "I understand your mind" (?!) Sometime later I was frankly astonished to witness the arrival of a bottle of Champagne at the table, which the Director and I shared, due to the fact that his birthday transpired to be two days after mine. A little later I was even more flabbergasted to hear the lead singer of the band mention my name, and to hear them break into a rendition of Happy birthday, for my benefit!
The Director occupied himself with the worthy and respectable task of getting progressively more paralytic to the point where he knocked bottles and glasses off the table everytime he leant forward and eventually attempted to mount the stage, resulting in him being sprawled face down upon it, much to
the consternation of the DJ.
We left shortly afterwards and repaired to a nearby restaurant (it's 3.50am by this time) where we ate, and drank Soju until pretty much nobody could stand, talk or stay awake. In all seriousness I was quite moved by the display of hospitality, generosity and kindness shown to me. It was totally unexpected and really lovely. I was made to feel completely welcome, and recieved invitations to everyone's homes during the course of things.
The next night I went out with Greg, Yu kyoung and Shanna. We hit a bar in Uijeongbu and Shanna had bought me a birthday cake, which was most delicious. The bar staff took a couple of polaroids which was a very nice gesture, and also played what can only be described as the 'dance-remix' of Happy Birthday on the sound system. All in all, a cracking birthday, though I failed miserably to get it together to see The Two Towers, because I didn't get to bed until about 6am both nights. I'll do it next weekend.
In other news, my workload has increased (bloody dispicable - do they think I'm here to work or something?!) to six classes a day. I am pleased to report that I seem to be a major hit with 'the kids', even the five year olds I started teaching today. The key seems to be to liberally pepper your lesson with strange noises and odd facial expressions.Anyway, that's me for now, except to say that if I thought it was cold before, I was...well...wrong. The last two days have been minus 12 and minus 14 respectively. What do they think this is? Winter?!
Be cool, be happy and above all, be warm.
Andy.
Friday 17 th January 2003
I hope this finds you all well and groovy. I don't have any new developments to report....I still haven't been to Japan, and I still don't know when I'm going. Nonetheless, a few things have caught my eye here
recently and I thought I'd share them with you.
Firstly, the local supermarket. Well, I say supermarket, it's more of a dept store with a supermarket in the basement, but anyway. It's called Lotte Mart, and whoever runs it is a genius. They have realised (sensible and wise people that they are) that the grocery shopping experience can be improved ten-fold (for male customers at least) by compelling the most attractive female members of staff (all of whom by a happy coincidence have fantastic legs) to wear either really short mini skirts, or really tight
denim shorts. It's a stroke of sheer brilliance as far as I'm concerned. Call me a lecherous old bastard, but hey, you don't see it in Sainsbury's!
"Me?.....Brigadier Wilberforce Carruthers?.......Here?......In a supermarket staffed by scantily clad nubile young ladies?......Have they gone COMPLETELY ga ga?.......Oh well.......time to find some firm young fruit!
I am also happy to report that korean TV seems to have an inordinate fondness for Jackie Chan films. They are shown at all hours of the day and night..7 am, 11pm, 3 am, you name it. Actually the scheduling is a bit weird. You can find horrendously violent and bloodthirsty stuff on at 10 in the morning, and yet the slightest hint of sexual inappropriacy, at any time of the day or night is mercilessly edited. A strange moral code to be sure.
AFN has also excelled itself recently. They've been running an infomercial about 'The silent killer' - suicide. Apparently it's the 2nd biggest killer of American soldiers (what's the first - other american soldiers?) Anyway, it's aimed at commanding officers and points out the subtle signs to look for in those under your command, to tell if they're thinking of topping themselves. It says (and again, I quote): 'If your soldier makes statements like "I just wanna die", "I cant go on any longer" and "I just wanna kill myself" - you might wanna talk to them.'(!?!) Aah yes, those subtle signs that could so easily be missed. Christ!
If I thought giving korean kids English names was weird, it's not nearly as odd as the results you get when you let them pick their own. I had an email from Chris who was on my TESOL course and is now also teaching in Korea. He has kids in his classes named (and I quote) 'Harry', 'Potter', 'Blunt',
'Blade of Darkness', and in one class he has 'Tech', 'Tech 1', 'Tech1a', and 'Tech4a' (!) Can you imagine?! "So....Blade of Darkness, what's the answer?" Jeez!
It's nice to know that Chinese propaganda can reach even the Korean peninsula, through the medium of Channel V (asian MTV). A song has started appearing recently called China Red. The video consists of a woman prancing around amidst a load of insanely happy people, herself never seen without the most unconvincingly starched smile. The lyrics are (approx) as follows:
We have red flowers to welcome the Spring
Red Lotus to welcome the morning sun
Red Greatwall to welcome the guest (!)
Red ebullience to wishing good the wedding
Red red red dying the sky
Red red red filling every heart
Wishing you good luck and everything smooth
Red dawn is coming
China will be prosperous forever. (Cracking!)
In other news, I've decided to take 6 of my ten days leave in April, and I'm gonna go and check out Thailand for about ten days. Should be nice! (Thanks for the guidebook Katy!) Right folks - I have five year olds to discipline.
Friday 24th January 2003
Well, Friday night has come round again - and to make it even more groovy, I got paid today! The whole experience was very bizarre, it was like being in some kind of crime thriller. The Director came into the staffroom, and in hushed tones beckoned me into his office, wherein he presented me with a
brown envelope stuffed a inch think (and that isn't an exaggeration) with crisp clean banknotes approximating to 1000 pounds. It was actually 2 million Won, in denominations of 10,000 (try to imagine two grand in tenners and you'll get the idea). Anyway, by means of celebration I intended to go and buy a guitar tomorrow, but the Director called me this evening and said, "Don't buy a guitar tomorrow!" Intrigued, I asked, "Why?", to which he replied that James the driver intends to GIVE me a guitar on Monday! This is just another example of how incredibly nice these people are. No generosity seems beyond their capability. They are so nice, it goes beyond all reasoning.
IN other news I still haven't got any photos scanned in (Sorry!) but I'll do my best to remedy the situation asap. The pressure of teaching has just been too great! (yeah yeah). Also it's new year here next weekend, so we move from 4335 to 4336. Never mind, you backward throwbacks are only 2333 years behind us forward thinking Pacific types!
Anyhow, I hope eveyone is well, and I wish you all a very happy new year!
Wednesday 29th January 2003
Hi everybody!
I hope this finds you all well and happy.
Before I begin what I really have to say, something that happened a few minutes ago: A guy was coming into the building as I was leaving my apartment just now. He wasn't anyone I've ever spoken to or even seen before, but when I said hello, he spontaneously offered me half his dinner! Unfortunately I was forced to decline on account of the fact that I'd just had a bowl of noodles the size of Scotland, but anyway, that's hopitality in anyone's book!
I went to Japan yesterday. Due to an early flight, I had to get the bus to the airport at about 5.30am.
The Director said he'd drive me to the bus station. In order to facilitate an early start, he decided to stay in the apartment next door. We ended up getting royally plastered in my place, along with Mr.Lee the technical chief (computer guy, as I prefer to call him). Topics such as Bruce Lee, elephant's genitalia and money being the root of all evil were covered before we finally called it a night. By this time it was gone 2am anyway, so I decided to give up on the idea of sleep, and just stay awake. Fortunately, and bizarrely, my TV had spontaneously gained about ten extra channels the night before, so I had plenty of early hours entertainment to keep me going. A few hours later and I was at Incheon airport. By the time I got on the plane my lack of sleep had caught up with me, and I managed to fall asleep at the very moment we left the tarmac..only awaking amongst the clouds. As we left the coast of Korea, we flew over some absolutely spectacular mountains which seemed to stretch for an eternity - I must go there at ground level, it looked amazing! Shortly after take-off, the meal was served. It was unique in my culinary experience, being the only meal I have ever eaten in which I have been unable to identify a single recognisable ingredient. I'm pretty sure no meat or fish was involved, but as for what was...God only knows! It was quite tasty though whatever it was!
Arriving at Osaka, I was dealt with by a guy who will forever live on in my memory as the 'Ohh!' customs man. Allow me to illucidate...
"Where have you come from today?"
"South Korea."
"Ohh! South Korea!"
"How long have you been in Korea?"
"About a month and a half."
"Ohh! A month and a half!"
"How long will you be staying in Japan?"
"Just one day."
"Ohh! Just one day!"
"What is the purpose of your visit?"
"To collect a work visa." (Can you guess what's coming?!)...
"Ohh! A work visa!"
"Do you have anything to declare?"
"No"
"Drugs or guns?" (As if he expects me to say,"Oh yeah, now you come to mention it...")
The airport station was spotless, and the train left precisely on time. Osaka airport appears to be on an island, because the train passes over the sea for some time before hitting the first of the suburbs. It's an oddly peculiar experience crossing the sea on a train - I'd recommend it. Pleasingly, there seemed to be loudspeakers at each station playing bird song! I took to Osaka immediately. The architecture in the suburbs was a mix of old and new, solid and ramshackle, and was liberally dotted with trees that looked like full size bonsais. Entering Osaka city itself on foot was great. It was bustling, architecturally eclectic and covered in the ubiquitous neon. All over there were pokey side alleys, weird sights, and the phenomenon of the killer cyclist. For a long time throughout history, Japan's only trade partner was The Netherlands. Evidently our laid-back European cousins also instructed the Japanese in the art of bike-riding for the apocalypse. Anyone who has ever found themselves leaping from the path of a rapidly oncoming homicidal Dutchman on a bicycle while in Amsterdam, will appreciate the pedal-driven peril that weaves at ludicrous speed through the crowds of pedestrians on every Osaka pavement. Pity the poor soul who can't get out of the way. In the words of Michael Palin.."God help you if you've got a double bass and a set of golfclubs!"
I found the Korean consulate easily, thanks to a flag the size of a car hanging outside. Within, I joined the hoardes of other English teachers doing the visa-run. What followed was rather akin to musical chairs. First I joined the queue for the photo machine (which was kind enough to deliver me the single most psychopathic looking photograph I've ever had). Then I joined the queue for a visa application form. Having filled that out, I joined the queue to hand it in. Then I joned the queue at the window next
door, to pay my fee. Then I rejoined the previous queue to show my receipt. I was then told to come back at four o'clock! Actually it was quite comical, because I kept meeting the same people in various different queues, all of whom were as bemused by the whole farcical process as I was.
I then had a few hours to wander round Osaka. It's a great place for it. Round each corner lies something new and bizarre - buildings shaped like boats, golden 'Hello Kitty' statuettes, giant fibreglass crabs with moving legs, and so forth. If you want a place to get merrily bemused in, you'd be hard pushed to beat it.I returned and was given the visa without further queueing, and began my journey back to Korea. It was a shame to have such a short time in such a potentially fascinating place, but fleeting glimpse as it may have been , I can still say in all truthfullness that I've been to Japan.
All I have to do now I'm back is find the immigration office (wherever THAT might be) and get my 'alien registration certificate'. Then I'll be a fully legitimised member of Korean society. I find the prospect very pleasing.I've finally managed to get my photos scanned in, so I'm gonna put them on yahoophotos tomorrow. I'll give you the details of how to find them once I've done it. I should also be taking delivery of a PC for my apartment now so that'll be groovy.
Anyway, It's late, so I'm off. I have New Year to look forward to at the weekend, and I think my friends from the TESOL course who are teaching down South are going to come up to Seoul for the weekend, so I need my rest before the three days of excess that are bound to ensue.
Be well, and stay cool,
Andy.x
